I am beautiful, I am amazing….and so are you!
I would look in the mirror and I didn’t like what was looking back at me.
3 months into COVID-19, I would see all of these things on Instagram of COVID-19 fitness and this girl lost this much weight through a COVID-19 miracle workout. It was making me so miserable.
I was literally at a stage where I had tried every single diet. Intermittent fasting, keto, gosh if they had told me to drink the blood of a baby goat, I probably would have given it a go, I just desperately wanted to lose weight. So, I spoke to my sister-in-law, she works for a clinic that does gastric bypasses, and I started to find out some more information about it, what you needed to qualify, sort of all the entry level stuff. I wasn’t convinced I was going to do it because I am slightly terrified of needles, but I had started to go down that track at least.
The next day I had a meeting with my ‘crazy’ doctor, and I was telling her about the process and the journey that I was looking at going down. My doctor asked me to wait for six months and during those six months we would work really closely on my mindset.
I wasn’t really 100% convinced but I thought it was going to be just six months so let’s just give it a go. She asked me to every night when I went to bed to tell myself that I loved myself. To tell my body it was beautiful, to thank it for all of its hard work during the day, to thank it for growing my two beautiful children and for overall just being amazing.
At first, I must admit that I did feel like a little bit of a ******. It felt stupid, maybe I was a little bit embarrassed even saying those things to myself but I had promised my doctor and so I did it. I honestly don’t even think it took very long for me to start noticing little differences. I stopped being so worried, I started to feel more relaxed. I started to put in just these little extra bits of effort. Now I’m not talking about doing my makeup everyday, but I would at least brush my hair even if I were just dropping the kids off at school. I stopped worrying that other people were even noticing me, never mind thinking bad things about me but understanding that we’re all so busy most of the times we don’t even notice other people.
I felt lighter and I don’t mean that as in I had lost weight, I just felt like I was carrying less. Less stress, less problems, less paranoia, I definitely felt better. My mood had improved and because of that I was eating better. I wasn’t stress eating I wasn’t emotionally eating on the couch, and because my mind wasn’t taken up with so much worrying about my weight and what other people were thinking, I actually had time, mental time to start making better lifestyle decisions.
I think it took 10 days for me to believe it. I could walk past a mirror see my reflection and think gosh Sandra you are beautiful. It wasn’t about a vanity thing; it was because I was happier and at the end of the day what is more beautiful than a happier person?
When I think back on all of the things that I used to tell myself, all the horrible things I used to say, now that embarrasses me more than telling myself that I am beautiful.
If we actually stop and take 2 minutes to think about the things that we say to ourselves, things that we would never ever say to another person, like you’re ugly, you’re fat, you look hideous in that; can you imagine if our children said these things to themselves? I once caught my daughter looking in the mirror and saying she was fat. I’m not sure I’ve ever actually cried so much because there’s really only one place she’s ever heard that, and that’s from me saying it to myself. Our children, especially our little girls are always listening, and I want my daughter to hear me saying that I’m beautiful. I want her to copy that.
I’m four months into my six months. It has not been a perfect journey; it’s definitely been an easier one. I’ve decided that it’s none of my business what anyone thinks about me and so I stopped worrying about it. I’ve gone from being so horrible to myself to being my own best friend. To speaking to myself like I would my friends. I’ve gone from thinking that being skinny would make me happy to just being happy. Everything that I need to be happy is around me and so I simply am happy.
I still tell myself exactly the same thing. I am beautiful, I am amazing and so are you!
Ps……I’m also down 7 notches on my belt, simply by changing my mindset.